Zen and Other Ridiculous Things

For the last week or so, I've been listening to an audio book on the practice of Zen called Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind If you listen to- or read this book with the expectation of learning something from its words, you will find that its pages are full of confusing metaphors and useless anecdotes. But I've found that listening to it for the message and not for the words has made all the difference.

Recently in my life, people close to me have let me down in one way or another and it used to really bother me. Of course, to say that it doesn't bother me at all would be pretentious and foolish, but it does not bother me as much as it did and I'll tell you why. It's because I have come to understand that all of us cause trouble in one way or another. Just by being born we cause some trouble, there is nothing we can do about it, so to expect that we will never be let down by the ones we love is to expect the impossible. It is not reasonable to expect something from others that we cannot even do ourselves. We cannot demand perfection when we are not perfect. This understanding puts everything we do and everything others do in the proper perspective.

We are human. All of us.

Letting go of the bad things in life is hard, letting go of good things is even harder, but it can be done and there are very real rewards for doing so. There is a passage in the book I mentioned that says: "To walk one mile East is to walk one mile West." This line confused me at first, but I think I understand it a little better now. Each step we take is a step, no matter what direction we think we are going. For example, my brother and his wife recently announced that they would be moving to Utah. At first I was devastated. My brother's wife is my best friend and I am so lucky to be able to call her my sister. I didn't want to let her go, but I realized that even though she is taking a step away from me, she is also stepping closer to me. Let me explain. In the time that she has been here, I have taken her presence for granted. There have been times when we've gone for weeks without talking, simply because I knew that she was right there. That she would be right there whenever I finally got around to calling her. But now that she and my brother are taking this step, I have made a commitment to write to her every week. I have made a commitment to sit down with pen and paper and take the time to communicate like I should have done all along. So in moving physically further away, I hope we will grow spiritually and emotionally closer through meaningful correspondence.


"Every breath we exhale is inhaled by someone else. The light that shines on me shines on my neighbor also. In this way, we are all connected." I think we are all of us connected by more than just the air we breathe. We are connected by more than just the light that shines on us. We are connected by our family ties and our friendships. We are connected by thinking about one another. We are connected by Skype (as soon as I actually sign up for that :P). We are connected by our common goals and viewpoints. And most importantly, we are connected by love.

It's always been difficult for me to open up to others. I've always been a very private person, but I have learned that the more love we give, the more we receive. This is true with everything. We cannot throw a rock into a still pond and expect the water to remain motionless. It only takes one act - one rock, no matter the size - to make a difference. If we make a difference in someone else's life, we make a difference in our own life as well. Our time here on this earth is fleeting, but it is not meaningless. The things that we do here, the knowledge we acquire, the friendships we make, the love we share - everything we do will follow us into the eternities. Our experiences on this earth will serve us forever and we will continue to learn from them forever. Our entire lives on this earth amount to only a moment in the vast eternities, so what reason do we have to be upset by letdown? What right do we have to be angry when the things that happen to us are so meaningless in the grand scheme? We should try every day to be happy more than we are sad or angry, because if life is only a moment, shouldn't we make the most of it?

Layering Crib Sheets

Okay, here's the scenario: it's 2:00 am, your baby has been throwing up every 15 minutes because you decided to have her try formula and you're getting ZERO sleep. Every time you change the sheets in her crib, she just pukes on them again (right through the towel you put under her head to catch said puke). Your husband is snoring away, completely oblivious to the mayhem and a little teeny tiny part of you is contemplating suffocating him with his own pillow.
Now before you chuckle and say "oh, how cute, it's a first-time-mom, just wait until________ (fill in the blank)" just keep in mind that in some ways, having one is harder than having three or four or however many because everything is new. You don't know how to do anything yet and there is no instruction booklet. I have learned to ignore those kinds of comments because I know that the longer I do this mom thing, the better I'll get at it (I hope!)
SO. Now on to the ingenious idea I had at 2:00 this morning. After I wash all of those sheets, I'm just going to layer them all in her crib. One right after the other with a water-resistant pad in between each layer. That way, I can just strip off the soiled one and BAM there's a new one ready to go. I don't have to fumble in the dark for a new one, I don't have to get frustrated trying to get a fitted crib sheet onto a slippery mattress while rocking an equally slippery sick baby back to sleep for the umpteenth time. I don't have to consume a caffeinated beverage and resign myself to being awake ALL night. I can pick her up, clean her off, get rid of the evidence and put her right back down. More sleep for both of us. And while that teeny tiny little part of me may still want to smother my wonderfully obnoxious husband, this little trick will keep me sane and give me that little ounce of peace-of-mind I need to keep calm and carry on. Because if there's one thing I've learned so far being a mom, it's that it's not about me anymore. What I want (10 hours of uninterrupted sleep) doesn't matter, and that's okay, because what does matter is the sweetest thing I've ever known. She makes up for the lost sleep because she makes me whole. When she's miserable and I'm miserable and my husband is snoring away happily, it doesn't matter because I know that I'm doing exactly what I was built for. That knowledge can get me through anything. I was made for this and now I'm doing it. It's not easy to explain, but the feeling of doing exactly what you're meant to do, regardless of whether or not you feel like you're doing it right, is the most comforting feeling I've ever felt. Having a purpose and fulfilling that purpose is all that matters. There may be a sense of inadequacy at times, maybe even failure, but failure is so much better than feeling utterly lost. It's so much better than feeling useless, because failure leaves room for success. Thomas Edison tried roughly 10,000 times before he was finally able to produce the carbon filament coil used in light bulbs. When asked about his failure, he replied: “I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.” 
So it's not just about the little tricks that make things like staying up all night with a sick baby that much easier. It's about having the right perspective. It's about knowing that you're doing it right simply because you're doing it. You're not backing down. You're not giving up. You're not hiding. You're right where you should be. I hope you found as much hope reading this as I did writing it. Thanks for reading.

Learning how to do just about everything with only one hand.

Cooking, sewing, typing, dishes, laundry, eating... these are a few of the things I've had to re-learn as a mom because now I have to do them (and do them well) with only one hand. Needless to say my house is a mess, my spell-check is very confused, the dog hasn't been washed in a week and my family has been eating either burnt or under cooked food. It seems like the only thing I get to do with two hands is change dirty diapers!

Yesterday though, I discovered that since I have--at least temporarily--lost the use of one of my hands, my body has compensated. My feet have become particularly useful and agile. No longer are they only used for walking, no sir, they can unlock and open doors, pick up virtually anything I drop and even type on my laptop! If I were a little more flexible, I'm convinced I could really do anything with my feet, even brush my hair, it's like I'm turning into a monkey! Maybe I should get really crazy and learn how to knit with my toes or something. Who knows? Maybe I'll end up getting my own TLC show! Ha. 

But seriously though, I think it's a great example of how incredible the human body really is. Humans adapt, no matter what. It's like when someone goes blind and their hearing or sense of smell kick in and make up the difference. I am amazed every day by people doing things they never thought they could do. I never thought I'd be able to pen a grocery list with my left hand, let alone my foot, but I did it! All while bouncing a very fussy baby. And if I can do that with only a month's practice, I can do anything. So I guess the message to anyone who actually reads this is: don't think for one second that you're a failure because of something you can't do as well as the next person. Look at the little things--even if they seem insignificant or silly--and celebrate every little victory. Do a little dance when you change the TV channel with your big toe. Put a smile on your face when you manage to do the dishes while holding a crying/sleeping/squirmy baby, and entertaining an 8-year-old without breaking anything. Count your little victories instead of focusing only on your shortcomings and I can promise you that you will have more victories.

Never give up, never surrender. Take the bull by the horns and never forget that every day prepares you for the next. Thanks for reading.

Go ahead, brag. Leave a comment about your little victories. What have you done lately that you never thought you could do?